


more likely than you think

by casetrippy



Category: Escape from Furnace - Alexander Gordon Smith
Genre: (this is just really awkward talking about feelings), Angst, Character Study, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, lockdown - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 17:38:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10621845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casetrippy/pseuds/casetrippy
Summary: The one in which their "something I've been meaning to ask" is the same question for each other.





	

It’s Alex who’s out with it first, to bring up the conversation.

“Mind if I ask you a loaded question, if that isn't too weird?” Alex had asked from below, approximate of nothing on one of the better evenings in their cell. It was his voice that really tipped Donovan off. The kind of tone you would use after rehearsing both sides of a conversation in your head. Donovan shrugged, the movement causing the bed frame underneath him to creak. “Coming from the guy who literally puked on me, so hey, I think I can take a weird, loaded question. What's up?” That seemed to do the trick as Alex snorted a laugh, causing the slightest smile to settle on Donovan’s face. 

“Sounds about right,” Alex muttered. Though the tension eased, Alex said nothing. With a frown, Donovan rolled onto his side, neck craned so he could read Alex’s face. Alex spared a brief glance up at him before his eyes flicked away, out past their cell door and scanning rows after rows of identical cells carved into the rough red walls. “So. Furnace is… an all male population.”

“Very observant.”

“I  _know_ , thanks for that. But.”

Donovan had a feeling where this was going. 

"I was wondering, because this prison is all male, do you know… if like- if anyone is…” Alex’s eyes shot up back at Donovan and his mouth clamped tight once more.

Ah. There it was. Donovan wasn't sure exactly what face he made, but it must've been something amusing as Alex immediately sputtered, “You, uh, don't have to answer that if you don't want to.” Donovan held a hand up, stopping Alex from going on, and rolled back flat onto his mattress with a slump. 

It hadn't been like this was the first time Donovan thought about the topic, Lord knows he had enough time to. In fact, it sprung up the memory in which he himself stumbled over a mantra of  _“oh no, you don't have to worry about that”_ when Adam asked. Donovan quickly buried the memory however, and ran a hand through his hair. “I'm not mad, dude. If you want me to give it to you honestly: I don't know. This isn't exactly the place where you'd be encouraged to discuss it.” And after Alex remained quiet, Donovan added: “I had a pretty idea of who was… y'know.”

God, this was the worst way of talking about it. The kind of way that made Donovan feel like he was acting like some sort of concerned counsellor who just did not understand. But he’d never said the word out loud, and he knew would be lying to himself if the thought of finally putting himself out there did not scare himself shitless.

It also didn't help that Sawyer for once in his life wasn't asking or making some dumb-ass remark. In fact, if Donovan could see him now, Alex was staring up at the low ceiling as though it revealed a new surefire way of getting out that only he could decipher. When he finally did speak up, all he had said was, “Before all of this, when it was still me, Toby, and Brandon we’d talk about the girls in our classes. And you know, I could relate and all but, um. Now that I'm here, it might be fucked up to realise it _here_ , but I'm wondering if I'm…” Alex trailed off. Either he just ran into a cog with that ceiling escape plan or Donovan just heard his cellmate try to come out to him. 

What were you supposed to say to that? “Me too?” or, “I noticed you said now that you're _here_. Is it just me reaching here or is this a message that I'm not getting?” Donovan wasn't sure how Alex managed to even get that far into his confession. To Donovan it always felt like there were a million alert ears and prying eyes trying to rip into your skull at every moment, threatening to expose your mind for all to see. 

It took a second for Donovan to realise he now kept Alex hanging, who probably looked as though he was about to get sick again with each passing second. Donovan inhaled sharply - grabbing Alex’s attention once more - and breathed out slowly as he curled his fingers tightly. “Alex.”

“I'm. Like. That.” The words were strained and barely audible, but Donovan could tell Alex caught them, trying his best to suppress some sort of audible surprise. Donovan couldn't look, head firmly planted against his pillow. He forced a crude laugh from his throat. Whatever shock Alex was trying to keep cool about, Donovan wasn't about to have it because _fuck him_ he already hated the tremble that wavered in his tone. “Listen, Alex,” he began, forcing out that tight laugh once more, “I'm telling you this because. I don't know. You seemed like you were lost there? And I guess I need this too. I swear to God, just, don't get weird about knowing that I'm gay.” And there it was: the word he’d refused to even say in his internal monologue.

Donovan slowly peaked over the top of his bed again.

More than anything, Alex’s face was overwhelmed with fluctuating indiscernible emotion. He still hadn't said anything to Donovan’s words, and wow, pour your little gay heart out to your best mate and that dumbstruck face is the best he can come back with? Donovan had his facade of indifference on once more, though the anxiety just started threatening to wear through. 

And Alex laughed. It started out inaudible, his shaking shoulders barely giving it away. But it bubbled up and blossomed into something so genuinely relieved that it sure as hell caught Donovan off guard. He wasn't sure if he should be similarly relieved or insulted, but somewhere pooling in his gut was the same spout of hopefulness that reflected in Alex’s laugh.

Alex’s eyes shone so brightly, “Oh thank god. I thought I was reaching.”

And it clicked in place. This was good. This was right. You aren't alone.

Donovan couldn't help the grin that bloomed across his cheeks, coughing awkwardly and scratching his forehead so he could hide his flustered face. “Wow, man,” Donovan snorted, “You been thinking about me that much, huh?” Alex didn't have to say a word, his cherry red face doing all the talking for him. Seeing that caused more uproarious laughter to pour out of Donovan and by the time he could slap his hand over his mouth and plug it, those three same thoughts kept playing in his head:

This is good, this is right, you aren’t alone,

This is good, this is right, you aren’t alone,

This is good, this is right, you aren’t alone. 

The giggles had subsided when that last line got to him, a gentle warmth in their absence. It did feel good. Alex’s face was still flushed, staring up at the ceiling once more as though this time God opened up the exit right there, just waiting for the two of them to escape then and there.

Then again, this was an escape in its own right. Alex would always say that Donovan was the reason why he got through furnace, that Donovan's smile would bring light and dispel the darkness. But if you were to ask Donovan, in Alex’s smile he could always find those same three thoughts. To Donovan, Alex was a breath of fresh air who'd make the imposing atmosphere of Furnace just a little easier to breathe in. 

And as Donovan laid back, this breath of fresh air easing the tension in his body, he extended a hand off the side of his bunk. And there was something a little more than hope that buzzed inside of his thoughts as he felt a familiar hand intertwine fingers with his.

**Author's Note:**

> they're like. way too gay and introspective to not to say anything to each other without me dyin


End file.
